When the end of your year is much different from your beginning: My 2016 Reflections.

“The Joy of the Lord is your strength”, the two of them said at the same time just before they erupted into laughter at the surprise of their simultaneous proclamation.  I wasn’t laughing however, as I had gone to them from the crowd to get a prophetic word for my next year and hadn’t expected this one at all.  “Why would I need strength?” I thought.  “This year is going to be my harvest season…I’ve suffered enough already, I should be seeing the goodness and peace of God in my life this year.”  I concluded that they were somehow delusional and left that prayer meeting feeling ripped off.

A couple of weeks later we found ourselves back in Ethiopia, but positioned in a different part of the country- the part we said we would never live- Addis Ababa.  It’s the capital city and so much bigger than Debre Zeit, our home of old.  Here, my hope was that my children would have better peer relationships, greater access to the extra curricular activities at the International School and we would get better internet.  If I was to do what I said I would do, for one or maybe more, local NGO’s then I would need good internet access to provide consistent communication to donors.

We settled into the home of fellow missionaries who were away on furlough for the year and got our bearings around our side of town. However, not long after, rips started to appear on the fabric of our family...As months went by and physical separation led to a new review of all that was holding our relationship together, there were more elements pulling us apart than the things that were holding us together… By June, those rips had been torn fully apart. I had to say goodbye to my dream of a till-death-do-us-part marriage and so did my children as well as every person who had believed that we would remain together.

The weak places I entered into after that were buffered by the statement that was spoken over my life at the end of our time in New Zealand.  “The Joy of the Lord is MY strength.” I had to own it and apply it to my every day life.  In my weakest moments where I felt the literal tearing apart of a covenant tie, a strength resided that I couldn't claim as my own.  

What I came to discover was that Joy comes in different forms.  It came in the display of my children's resilience to the undoing of the world they knew for so long .  It came in the form of people who went from being strangers to much needed friends who spoke much needed words.  Joy expressed itself in moments of laughter with visiting people who brought hope and love in unexpected ways.  Joy reigned in opportunities to discover the use of gifts that had laid dormant in me for many years.  Manifested joy came into my life as the Word of God resonated through daily guidance in times where I couldn’t see which way to go. 

In all our lives there are moments we don’t expect or foresee; moments we never wished we or even our worst enemies would ever experience.  There are times we want to skip a track to our next song, or wake up from our currently reality, as if it were just a dream.  This year has been one of those experiences for me but in saying that I wouldn’t have changed it one bit. 

Through the breaking of my marriage, has come the awakening of my being- my being a beloved child of God.  My being a person who knows what is right for her life and was strong enough to stand up for it.  I awakened to the fact that just BE-ing is enough- that my DO-ing (Doing mission or wifely duties, Doing Ethiopia or what people expected me to DO) was not what made me ME. What makes me ME is in my being.  Being created in the image of God and knowing that I am found in Him, fully and completely His.  Here, I saw the peace and goodness of God I expected would be void if I needed His Joy to be my strength. I discovered the fullness of His Joy is found in those times where we are weak and His strength becomes our own. 

In the midst of this journey, I am writing my autobiography and in that space I am revisiting the joys and the pains of my past.  My life has still got many years to be lived out and I know that my story will be used for God’s glory and to help others like me who are struggling to know which way to turn. 

On my long haul flight between Singapore and Turkey, I flicked on the Documentary channel and watched a show about the wonder of nature. In this episode, they were talking about all the different shapes that exist in nature. One being the shapes that are formed in ice.

To illustrate the complexity of ice they took on the biggest block of ice that we find in nature, the iceberg. Scientists were researching the shapes found in the iceberg and how that affected not only the sinking of the Titanic but also the ability of the iceberg to float.

If you've seen the movie, you know the Titanic sunk because the Captain underestimated the size of the iceberg he saw on the near horizon and the damage that was done didn't come from what he could see on the surface of the ocean but by what lay beneath.

7/8 of an iceberg is under water- it's called the keel. The keel catches the currents of the ocean & affects the speed and the direction it will go. It's the less dense part of the iceberg that floats while the rest is heavily anchoring the berg under the water. 

Our lives displayed are only a small part of what people see. It's the less dense part that is exposed, while the depth of our lives is what is weighing us down beneath. 

If we see the circumstances of our lives as the currents that come our way then it's what's going on under the surface that will determine how we allow those things to steer our course. If we have bitterness in our hearts and something comes our way that collides with an already bitter root then that will affect which direction we go and how fast we get there - most likely down and at maximum speed. If we have peace in our hearts and something comes to create havoc in our lives, then our lives will cascade the effects of the hit more easily. We will be led by peace. If these two things- bitterness and peace push against one big iceberg or relationship then it's most likely going to split in half. 

While bitterness and peace were not necessarily the opposing forces in my marriage, there were definitely mixed values that were constantly pushing up against each other for us.  There is a life that is seen in public for all of us and the life that goes on behind closed doors. While these two lives should match up, the reality of my life is that the keel of our lives was being affected by the things that we valued. And just to clear the air, while the Ship of our lives at the time was in the waters of Africa, it wasn't Africa that caused the wreck but rather the undertows of the current itself. 

Thankfully we have been thrown a life line and it's come from the shores of Sydney, Australia. God has been gracious in setting up a life boat for us where we can know the safety of His Love and navigate the waters He's setting us back out on in the future. 

God has a plan for me and for Ethiopia and for me to be in Ethiopia in these last days and there's a stirring sense of peace in the country now and also within my heart.  This year has not ended at all the way I imagined it would at the beginning of my year, nor at the beginning of my marriage but I am learning not to focus on what was but what is going to come.  The word I gave myself at the beginning of this year, was the word "Surrender."  I have felt the sting of surrender as I've surrendered my own desires to the will of my Savior.  This next year my word is "Complete."  I will see the goodness of God in His restorative power in my life as He completes me and makes me whole.  As He now steers the direction of my life again, I am thankful that He knows so much more than I ever could- He knows my future and He knows what's best for me.  He works all things out together for my good. 

My friend YohanaSahle sings this beautiful song that speaks to my situation so eloquently. She's one of Ethiopia's rising stars, singing the heart of Jesus. Be blessed through it, knowing that He is working all things together for good. Happy NEW Year!

Visions, Dreams and their Consequences

I never really liked putting labels on myself. I trained as a chef but I don't say "I'm a chef" and I like to write but I wouldn't say "I'm a writer." I find it strange to attach one particular part of my skill set with the words "I am". It could wrap my identity up in a 'tag' that would entice a set of expectations from others. But the one that's troubled me the most is "I am a visionary." It's one I've identified with over the years but struggled to claim as my own. I would see "visionaries" doing amazing things and couldn't relate. Often my visions were in the confines of my mental space, desiring an expression.  For example:

When I was a child I had crazy outlandish visions of being in Ethiopia and feeding long lines of hungry children out of a pot of food.. I dreamed of owning companies where I could help people who couldn't afford to afford..

My visionary bent was wrought in the small hours of the night as I lay in bed with babies and envisioned what their bedrooms could look like if changes were made and furniture re-arranged. Things like this would keep me up at night; dreaming, recreating. In the creating and recreating in my mind the visionary in me was being awakened- As a stay at home mother who just wanted a better setting for my babies.

Then came the local community. As I would lie in bed listening to young people roam the streets outside late at night, I would dream for them. I imagined a place for young people to gather and find safety; to be cared for and nurtured at all hours of the day and night. I envisioned a shelter for them with rooms where multiple opportunities availed and blank canvases were waiting to be painted. The strategy about how this would unfold was also downloaded from a Place where solutions are designed by a Loving Creator who "directs the steps" of the man/woman who plans their way (Proverbs 16:9).

I believe dreams and visions are gifts from God. And unlike my one year old niece who received many gifts this weekend for her birthday and didn't acknowledge the givers, I believe we have an obligation to acknowledge the Giver of these dreams. A gift does not come without a gift-er. The gift to dream and envision doesn't make us better than others who don't have this gift, it just gives us a different responsibility. It means we have strengths in areas others are weak but we sure do have areas of weakness where we need others' strengths.

We are stewards of the gift (being a visionary) AND the extension of that gift being unwrapped (the dream or vision.)  To be faithful to the stewarding of the gift, it means we have to unwrap it to see how we can use it.  Don't down play what is meant to be played out. Don't comatose the dream that is meant to be lived out!


Recently I attended a conference where the story of Judas was unlocked. Yes, that called disciple who betrayed his leader and led him into his destiny by the choices he made. The speaker (Alicia Britt Chole) talked about how he was the treasurer but he went from being a steward to being an owner and feeling entitled. She said "Ownership is fists closed, stewardship is palms open." We can do the same thing with our visions. We can hold them too tightly in fists closed rather than opening our palms and allowing God to do with them what He wants. 

Sometimes I have found myself not been fully obedient to the Dream Giver's directions because I saw the vision as my own. I felt like I had the choice to let this dream become a reality or not as I held an open gift in my hands with my fists closed.  I was not fully understanding that God Himself wanted to see this vision become a reality THROUGH ME, not for me (not for my benefit but for the benefit of others). So I learnt to trust Him to work out the details in making the dream a reality. Often that meant that others were involved.  When we have received something that is obviously not our own, we are called to steward it with open hands.  This means being willing to allow others to join in the implementing of the vision, in the contribution to the vision and in the execution of its strategy. 

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey. Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. And likewise he who had received two gained two more also. But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord’s money. After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them.

“So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, ‘Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.’  His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’

If it is a God dream then you have to know it's bigger than one person and that God has given the same dream to another person in some way or form according to his own ability-it may be according to the ability you need for the dream to come alive that you don't possess. He will strategically align you to bring formation to the structure and build a greater foundation for the building of the dream. But we must be careful to keep Christ as the chief Cornerstone. We leave Him out of the dream and it is sure to crumble. I write that from experience.

God knows what we are capable of doing and He will give us a custom size dream proportionate to our capacity. I know what it feels like to have a vision though and feel like it's beyond my capacity.  He builds capacity in you before He fills that capacity with all the ability to fulfill the dream. In that way, we are able to remember WHO's the dream is, when it's far beyond our grasp.  That capacity building season may feel like a stretching pain.  Bobbie Houston called it "Glorious Tension" at a recent Sisterhood meeting. She said "Faith is not designed to break us. We break IN the stretch. It's to take us into new places, spaces and territories." 

If you have gone through season after season of stretching, you have to know that your harvest season is a place of greater capacity.

Visions become reality after time, as we faithfully steward the gift, open it's contents and assemble this glorious God dream. They often become a reality after a time where it seemed like it isn't ever going to happen and maybe  was never meant to be in the first place: Just after the dream dies and you fully surrendered it to God and gave up thinking it was your own, it will come to BE. 

See I've walked this path that leads to dreams finding their expression before and I have learnt. I have learnt from mistakes being made and I've learnt from positive experiences too. I've learnt that the Dream Giver is BIG and His supply is bountiful. So don't be afraid to say "I'm a visionary" and don't be afraid to dream big and share those dreams with others. It's your responsibility.  It's His gift to you.  He must think you're capable of making it come into the place of reality or He wouldn't have given it to you in the first place right? 

Look at your dream from a different perspective.

A Cultural Exchange (My Identity Crisis Continued)

A cultural exchange

I sat in the living room of our next door neighbour in Sydney as she discussed cultural norms with my mother and I. Family were running late (on "Island time" as she described it- "Island time" is akin to "African time") and her (representing Tonga although her mother was born in Samoa then adopted by a Tongan family) and my mother who is Samoan born and raised in Samoan culture till she married my Greek Father and they two became one and adopted a New Zealand way of life.  A "way of life" would be one way to describe "culture". They talked about things such as what you should say, the reverence "Reverends" attain in island culture, and the difference between getting on a packed public bus in Sydney compared to doing the same thing in the islands- one makes room and another attempted to make her feel inferior.

Somehow my mind wondered back to a time when I first discovered the difference between Island cultures. I had gone to High School on Auckland's North Shore at a private Catholic Girl's school where the main demographic make up was Caucasian/European New Zealanders, a few Asians and Indians and then there were the Islanders. The Islanders in my year at school were made up of Maori mixes (because pure indigenous New Zealanders don't exist anymore), a Tongan, Samoan, me, and other variations of Island blood... Basically, we were the brownies and we mixed because we had a commonality that stemmed back to our forefathers coming from a place called Hawaiki.

I had always been the brown girl in a class of pale skinned friends. I was the minority often yet very rarely felt it until we went to Australia and felt the sting of undeserved, uncalled for racism. It came in the form of words such as "blackie" and "Darth Vadar" and made this six to eight year old child feel inferior and unwelcome.

By the time I reached High School however, we were back in New Zealand and a new problem surfaced. I knew very little of my Island culture and I wanted to know more. A "palagi" girl stood on stage at assembly one day and told of a term she spent in South Auckland on what was called a "Cultural Exchange." It was a program that was brought out a few years earlier to allow students from one school of a certain cultural make-up experience that of another. Since my school was a predominantly European make-up, she went to a school that was only 30 minutes away but was made up of a predominantly Pacific Island student body.  As soon as I heard about this, I wanted in!

I applied and was accepted to go the next year.  I was so excited about going and being a part of not just a school environment that was different to what I was used to, but also to a family environment that was different to what I was used to.  The school was in a suburb where a lot of my extended family lived and it had hosted the previous Polynesian Festival which was the highlight of a teenage Polynesian's year in Auckland! (Especially if you lived on the North Shore and didn't get enough interaction with other Poly's like yourself.)

Anyway, the three months I spent in South Auckland at Nga Tapuwae College (as it was called then) were, to say the least, LIFE CHANGING! I discovered that even though I looked like I should fit in, my cultural upbringing and the experiences I had had, or my lack thereof, meant that I felt JUST as, if not more, out of place then I had all my life. I had to wear my home high school uniform which made me stick out like a sore thumb but I also had little cultural knowledge of what was acceptable behaviour and because I LOOKED like an Islander who SHOULD KNOW how to behave, I failed at meeting the expectations of my peers.  So I found friends who existed outside of the culture I should have fit into.

One thing that really shocked me, other than my inability to "fit in", about this whole experience was that I was no longer the brown girl.  I was the half caste girl.  All of the Island cultures had segregated themselves and hung around with their own cultural groups where they spoke their mother tongue to each other, they often went to the same churches, or they belonged to the same cultural group in the festival. There was the Tongan corner, the Samoan corner, the Cook Island group, the Niuean group and then there was a whole other school within the school for the Maori students.  I had come from a place where there was unity among all of us islanders and gone to a place where there were obvious boundaries around who belonged to who. Colours had been associated with certain Islands, tension was felt and trouble brewed.  And amongst them all, I fit nowhere. I wasn't truly Samoan and I didn't even know how to behave Samoan in a context of peers so I found some Cook Island friends and I struggled internally with it all.

Right now there's some racial tension happening in my heart country. I came to a country where I thought that everybody was Ethiopian...but I've had discussions over the years about history and language and culture and I've discovered that some people don't see themselves as Ethiopian but rather as a representative of the tribe that they are from. I've learnt that there is a type of segregation within a city like Addis where certain areas are affiliated with a certain tribal group. You can learn about cross cultural tension just by being in one city. You can also experience the beauty of the diversity that each of these regions hold. 

The beauty of culture, however, is marred when we decide that ours is better than anothers. It's called elitism and it comes at the cost of others feeling inferior and feeling left out. It happens all around the world. What we need is a REAL cultural exchange. We need to exchange our earthly culture for our Kingdom Culture,

Someone recently said to me, "Where there is no common vision, there is Division." This is true for countries, for churches, for marriages.  A shared vision is so important in establishing a place where Peace can reside.  I think even in the church these days we get too caught up in denominational boundaries. We look at the culture and doctrinal beliefs of our BROTHERS AND SISTERS in Christ and we set ourselves apart from them and sometimes maybe unintentionally, setting ourselves ABOVE them. 

I've had the privilege now of speaking and attending many different churches around the world and what I've come to realize is that if we believe in Jesus and are saved by His blood, we have the same blood running through our veins. We are in fact family and our Father God has called us all to be united. We work for one God, for one Kingdom purpose therefore we should take the advice of Paul as He wrote to the people in Phillipi from his jail cell...

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,  then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others

Phillipians 2:1-4

Here is the justice cry for people divided- an answer for what they struggle to find- be humble and value others above yourselves. Unity is a part of justice being established.

Please continue to pray for Peace in the land of Ethiopia. Pray as a united body in this time for a common cause. We are one in Christ. Be blessed

My Identity Crisis

As a foreigner living in a "strange land" I (along with my children) often feel like we're a showpiece on display for people's musings. Often it's just as entertaining for us as it is for them, as we hear a confused dialogue take place about whether or not they think we are in fact foreigners or if we're locals. Even tonight as I stood outside the domestic airport in Addis Ababa, a lady standing next to me asked me if she could borrow my phone. When she realized I was a foreigner, she profusely apologized. She didn't need  to apologize! I have always taken it as a compliment when people think I'm Ethiopian for two reasons: 1) because Ethiopian women are simply one of the most beautiful people groups on the planet! 2) it reminds me that God created me for this place.

But in saying that, this in fact is my dilemma... My identity crises. While people like to make statements about me as they take stock of my outward appearance; those statements aren't always necessarily true. As much as I love it when people say I look Ethiopian, I am not Ethiopian. As much as people like to tell me I look like I'm in my 20's, I am not (thankfully) in my 20's!

Growing up half Samoan, half Greek, living in both Australia and New Zealand, I quickly learnt that being a "half caste" meant you never fit into one culture. You never really belong to one race. I joined the Samoan group in High School and was told I didn't sit right.  I can't say I'm "Samoan" because many Samoans have labeled me as "palagi" - meaning I'm white. To the Greek side, our color clearly distinguished us from the rest of our cousins and disqualified us from fitting into the Greek mold. To my European side I am brown, to my Island side, I am white. So where do I fit then?!

My friend and favorite Ethiopian Gospel singer, Dawit Getachew reminds us that "I am what the word of God says I am." When our culture tries to dictate who we are, or who we are not; when our surroundings try to put us in a box and label us as one thing; when we feel like we will never belong in one group or be able to proudly support one "team", we belong to a greater "Team".

As believers, we actually belong to the winning team. We are "new creations in Christ Jesus, the old is gone and the new has come." In Him, there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, (young or old even!) We are all equal and we all carry a new identity in Christ. This is what the word of God reminds us of.

Knowing this identity is foundational to how we live life itself. Everyone is on a search for the meaning of life. Not just in general but personally- to know and to be what we were created to be. If we know WHO we are, then we can know how we are meant to live.

When I gave my life to Jesus almost 19 years ago, my new creation culture took precedence over my old cultures. While some parts of culture can be a beautiful display of Gods creativity, other parts of it can be detrimental to the health (in mind, body and development) of the people who cling so tightly to it.

If we believe only what our society, and the culture that undergirds that society, says about who we are then we will miss out the truth. Cultures dictate what success, beauty and acceptable behavior looks like. They are defining value and worth through biases and hierarchical structures. They tell us if we're important enough (maybe because of gender or family affiliation), whether we're worthy or not (by deciding who can participate in decision making processes); whether we are young or old enough (as each culture treats its young and elders with different levels of respect); whether we are educated enough (as certain cultures place educational achievements as its most valuable possession). Each value that is held in high regard by our culture is carried from generation to generation by a message and a messenger. It's used to let people know where they fit and how they need to behave accordingly.  It causes people to feel either inferior or superior- neither being good for anybody. I've been on both ends of that scale...and I've learnt that it's temporary.

We don't need to live for temporary pleasures or pain. We also don't need to be dictated by what society or culture has told us, is telling us, will tell us. If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got right? So it's time for change. Change in how we see ourselves, how we define ourselves and then how we behave accordingly.

We adapt to a Kingdom culture when we receive Jesus. He is our example of how to live Kingdom lives. He was so counter cultural He offended people, but He didn't care for the praises or acceptance of people but only the glory of God. We can feel like we are "half casts" when we receive Christ. That we have to straddle two cultures and maybe don't belong to either- but the Bible says we are in the world but not of it. We no longer live, but Christ lives in us. We are more like the foreigner living in the strange land- we look like the locals but we will actually never BE them. We are living for Eternity and not for the land we are temporarily in. That's what Jesus culture should be about. And what a beautiful culture it is and what a powerful identity we adopt.

This new identity that is established in us comes as we become children of God and heirs to His throne.

John 1:12-13
But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Romans 8:16-17
The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ...
There's a new birth that takes place, a new culture we are born into and a new identity we take on. We are so much more valuable now than we ever were before and if we fail to understand that then we will never experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us.

So who am I now? The message Kingdom culture invites me to believe was passed on through Jesus. He tells me:

I am His child.

I am His beloved. I am Royal.

I am blessed. I am desired. I am a victor.

I am worthy to be seated in high places.

I am chosen. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am responsible.

I am so much more ...

We need daily reminders of these truths. A good way to remember this is to wear it! So right now I'm in the process of printing these truths on t-shirts. Then there will be more clothing and accessory lines to come. Keep an eye on this space! Know who you ARE in Him. Know what culture you need to adhere to...the Bible describes in sentences that often start like this..

The Kingdom of Heaven is like...

Be blessed!

When Grace resides in the Grey

Recently I made a life changing decision.  This decision was a calculated, prayed through, fasted over, all around anguishing decision that was a result of years of reflection. It was one that had many contributing factors to its final outcome and that blurred the lines of the black and white that some people like to hold when it comes to marriage.

First of all, I have to say that I am a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that a healthy marriage is the healthiest place for children to be nurtured and to grow; I have seen the research and promoted it over years of ministry. I believe that marriage is a covenant and that God takes covenant seriously- that marriage represents His covenant with the church and it should be a witness of that to the world. For these very reasons, I married my husband when I was pregnant and have stayed married to him for 19 years.

But in the black and white, bible-truth, law abiding and God fearing agenda, we have to be careful not to become judgmental of our own and others actions. While the "rules" exist to protect us from harm, there are always exceptions to the rules in the circumstances that surround it's context. For someone like me, who has been a very "black and white" believer, I am discovering that the grey [where everything is not so clear and circumstances force you to rethink your paradigm] is where grace resides.

"Did Christ die for the person or for the institution?" Is one question someone asked me recently. "Does He love me or my marriage more?" When dysfunction overrides a healthy, loving and safe environment, is it okay to accept Gods grace in the grey? To say, no matter what people may think, or what consequences I must face, I have to do the best by my children. And even though marriage seemed the best for my children, in all circumstances it truly is not.

The stand I am taking is a stand to live under grace. That grace that I have experienced over many trials and failures, has given me a zeal for Christ that I can't take for granted. The life that I live is only because He rescued me: He loved me and gave me a second chance. I don't want to straddle the fence, I choose not to immerse myself in darkness but to shine under His light.  While fear and confusion desire to take up residence in this whole situation, it's kept out by Perfect Love.

While I do appreciate people's advice on the issue, and I agree with most of the advice in principle; I also just appreciate those who trust that my decision was the right thing to do because they know me and trust my character. I know it has shocked people who know "us" and can't imagine how this could have eventuated, but there is always more to us than meets the eye.

I rest safe in the knowledge that God knows and that He is my ultimate judge and my safe refuge. "Mercy triumphs over judgement." says James 2:13. This poem I wrote just summarises where I am at...

When something you believe in and wanted so bad
Becomes that thing that you never had
When droughts of love take their toll
On a love hungry and thirsty soul
When peace seems an unattainable goal
And brokenness desires to be made whole
When years of recession back into that place
That has been covered by Glory and Grace
Means that now you must take a stand
And be led forward by His gracious hand
To trust, to breathe, to live each day new
Without the one you wanted to
You know that there's a better day
Because He said it would be that way
His new start for you means freedom and grace
As long as you keep looking into His face
He will lead you through this windy storm
And take you into a new norm
Where peace and love go deeper still
And His sovereign power overrides your will
His grace is sufficient, His strength is yours
Your heart into, His love He pours.
Selah.

A Letter to my Sixteen Year Old Self...

Hey You! 

Well here I am 22 years later and I wanted you to know how much you are loved. There's a great God out there who sees way past all of the problems you are facing right now and He is going to turn it all around some day. Here are 7 things I want you to know:

• 1. You know that smile that everyone keeps telling you lights up the room - they're not lying! God has given that smile to you so you can bring His Light into the hearts of many people. 

• 2. That list you wrote of all the things you don't like about your body- Honey, you were fearfully and wonderfully made (well thought-out and planned) and not one inch of your body was mistakenly put there. No BODY is perfect, no matter what the magazines try to tell you. 

• 3. That boy who stood you up on Queen Street and told you you looked better in the dark! He ain't got nothing on you! You don't have to hide your face in dark places to reveal your beauty- it will shine where it's value will be most appreciated. Don't let a boy define, abuse, or diminish your beauty. You are beautiful and no one needs to tell you otherwise. Embrace it and carry it as it gives glory to the One who created you that way. 

• 4. Your dad, he loves you. He might not have been able to appropriate that love in a healthy and respectful way, but deep down he truly does. He just did the best with what he knew. Don't hate him for it. See him as God sees him and you won't waste so many of your years being controlled by your judgement of his faults.

• 5. That pain you feel inside that causes you to take that craft knife to your skin so you transfer the pain to the outside, it's going to be healed. It's going to be used. It's all going to turn around and it's going to be okay.

• 6. You are not your sisters shadow. Though she may seem more beautiful than you and more popular to them, what you have to offer the world in and of itself is enough to be confident in. Don't shrink back into the shadow of someone else. Rise up and sit under the light that you were born to shine in!

• 7. And last but not least- that fear you've been battling; the fear of rejection- remember you are accepted in the Beloved! The fear of failure - remember that your mistakes are your teacher and they are going to help you pass your next test! The fear of loneliness- remember that you are never alone! There is a God who sees you...all the time and in every situation. He will never leave you nor forsake you! The fear of travel- you will travel fear free one day and you will know the safety of being under the shadow of the wings of the Almighty. 

My girl, if only I could reach into your skin again and live out your current days; basing your choices on your worth rather than your insecurities, your value rather than your damage. May our life be a message to help others know the truth behind the lies they have been told.. 

With so much love, 

Michelle Tiatia.

What Am I Really Missing Out On?

After reading one of Jentezen Franklin’s book a few years ago, I decided to do a 21 day Daniel Fast. It was the first time for me and as I feared not eating (in fact I started off with three days of full fasting), I ate up large the night before I started. Up until that point in my life, eating had become a coping mechanism for me. I love food and I used it many times in my life to calm emotions, feed my starving soul, take out my anger and just indulge in some goodness for my pallet. So the thought of fasting scared me, to say the least.

But once I started fasting, and really, it’s still eating but just cutting out some of the favourites and remaining in a spirit of prayer.. I realized that what I was believing God for was more valuable than the food that I was sacrificing. So I wrote this in my journal..

“I’m not missing out on anything, unless I’m missing out on You.” You Meaning God

I was making chocolate cupcakes at a camp for kids when I realized that even for this seemingly big sacrifice of not eating this food I had spent hours cooking, NOTHING compares to what I would miss if I missed out on God and the answer He would give as a result of my fasting.

This can also translate to the life that we live right now. My kids were asked recently where they would rather live – Ethiopia or New Zealand? Not an unusual question for them and they were being asked by a New Zealander in Ethiopia so they felt free to answer as this person was well aware of both country’s contexts. Freely my daughters answered that they would rather live in Ethiopia because of the lifestyle but it took my youngest son a couple of days to answer and he answered when we were alone. He said, “If my cousins were all here in Ethiopia with us, I would rather live in Ethiopia…If all our family were here. “  I completely understand and too often yearn to have cuddles with my nephews and nieces and late night catch ups with my sisters and Mum. I feel like I’m missing out when birthdays are celebrated and special holidays call for family gatherings and we are not there. But at the end of the day, I know that I’m not missing out on anything unless I am missing out on God and His purpose and plan for my life.

Yesterday we went to a church service where the preacher was speaking from where Paul says “To live is Christ…” He made a point about the things that we as humans can replace the word “Christ” for. The first example he used was “money”. To live is money. This is the mantra of the lives of so many people (Christian and non-Christian) around the world. We believe that money makes the world go round and perhaps makes our life complete but if that’s what it’s all about then life is seemingly meaningless as money is only temporary. It’s just a tool to fulfill life’s real purpose.

The second example he used was one that he said was huge for American’s especially. He said “To live is Family… and went on to explain how many people put family and children before the worship of God. This he said can be interpreted as family becoming a god. To us of the familial-centered cultures, this is a challenge. What if taking our children out of our comfort zone was God’s will and we chose comfort for them over obedience to Him. Does that make them our god? What if a father insisted a child stay and chase his career options in one country that would fulfil his every material desire but he chose to go instead to a far away country where his skills were needed more and God has called him. Does his disobedience to his father mean he is sinning or does his obedience to where he is called by God supersede his father’s command?

I’ve met so many young people who have come to Ethiopia or who have heard us speak about our calling here and God’s provision in making it happen and have said that they feel called also. But there are people and circumstances in their lives that have stopped them from doing it. I am not saying that I am any better because we have done this thing…I speak because I know people still don’t understand our calling and the sacrifices we made to make this move, but God does. God knows the call, He knows the fear that follows and the hesitation to obey. But on the other side of that He also knows the blessing that awaits. He knows the joy that you will experience by being in His will and purpose. He feels the pain of the departure but He also knows the pleasure of the arrival.

Moses knew the truth of this sacrifice. He had the Promised Land in front of Him, but he was not willing to claim it unless God was with him. In essence he was saying “I am not missing out on anything (even the Promised Land) unless I’m missing out on you.

 Then he said to Him “If your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.”

Exodus 33:15

Over the five years that we have been on this journey coming to and living in Ethiopia, our sacrifices have been acknowledged on various occasions. My response is always that, the greater sacrifice would be to NOT come to Ethiopia. I would rather miss out on all the things in New Zealand (family, the lifestyle, the beaches, the conveniences) than to miss out on what God has for us here. There is no better place to be than in the centre of His will.

So I’m writing this blog as a challenge and as an encouragement. What do you fear missing out on when you or if you were to step into God’s will? Then also to encourage those who feel like we are making a sacrifice. When we get to heaven (and we’re not getting there by our good works or by our sacrifices we made here, but by the ultimate sacrifice Christ made on the cross and our belief in Him) we will have everything we missed out here on earth. Our time here on earth is short compared to how we will spend eternity. We only live once and we will never know the fullness of joy that comes with being in Christ’s will apart from our time on earth. So let’s make it count.

One of the beautiful lakes in Debre Zeit

The truth of the matter is that stepping out in obedience to God's calling here has opened up the door for so many blessings, in experiences, in ministry, in relationships, in travel, in meeting some amazing people. God is never in debt to us. Our sacrifices can never outweigh His.