When Grace resides in the Grey

Recently I made a life changing decision.  This decision was a calculated, prayed through, fasted over, all around anguishing decision that was a result of years of reflection. It was one that had many contributing factors to its final outcome and that blurred the lines of the black and white that some people like to hold when it comes to marriage.

First of all, I have to say that I am a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that a healthy marriage is the healthiest place for children to be nurtured and to grow; I have seen the research and promoted it over years of ministry. I believe that marriage is a covenant and that God takes covenant seriously- that marriage represents His covenant with the church and it should be a witness of that to the world. For these very reasons, I married my husband when I was pregnant and have stayed married to him for 19 years.

But in the black and white, bible-truth, law abiding and God fearing agenda, we have to be careful not to become judgmental of our own and others actions. While the "rules" exist to protect us from harm, there are always exceptions to the rules in the circumstances that surround it's context. For someone like me, who has been a very "black and white" believer, I am discovering that the grey [where everything is not so clear and circumstances force you to rethink your paradigm] is where grace resides.

"Did Christ die for the person or for the institution?" Is one question someone asked me recently. "Does He love me or my marriage more?" When dysfunction overrides a healthy, loving and safe environment, is it okay to accept Gods grace in the grey? To say, no matter what people may think, or what consequences I must face, I have to do the best by my children. And even though marriage seemed the best for my children, in all circumstances it truly is not.

The stand I am taking is a stand to live under grace. That grace that I have experienced over many trials and failures, has given me a zeal for Christ that I can't take for granted. The life that I live is only because He rescued me: He loved me and gave me a second chance. I don't want to straddle the fence, I choose not to immerse myself in darkness but to shine under His light.  While fear and confusion desire to take up residence in this whole situation, it's kept out by Perfect Love.

While I do appreciate people's advice on the issue, and I agree with most of the advice in principle; I also just appreciate those who trust that my decision was the right thing to do because they know me and trust my character. I know it has shocked people who know "us" and can't imagine how this could have eventuated, but there is always more to us than meets the eye.

I rest safe in the knowledge that God knows and that He is my ultimate judge and my safe refuge. "Mercy triumphs over judgement." says James 2:13. This poem I wrote just summarises where I am at...

When something you believe in and wanted so bad
Becomes that thing that you never had
When droughts of love take their toll
On a love hungry and thirsty soul
When peace seems an unattainable goal
And brokenness desires to be made whole
When years of recession back into that place
That has been covered by Glory and Grace
Means that now you must take a stand
And be led forward by His gracious hand
To trust, to breathe, to live each day new
Without the one you wanted to
You know that there's a better day
Because He said it would be that way
His new start for you means freedom and grace
As long as you keep looking into His face
He will lead you through this windy storm
And take you into a new norm
Where peace and love go deeper still
And His sovereign power overrides your will
His grace is sufficient, His strength is yours
Your heart into, His love He pours.
Selah.

A Letter to my Sixteen Year Old Self...

Hey You! 

Well here I am 22 years later and I wanted you to know how much you are loved. There's a great God out there who sees way past all of the problems you are facing right now and He is going to turn it all around some day. Here are 7 things I want you to know:

• 1. You know that smile that everyone keeps telling you lights up the room - they're not lying! God has given that smile to you so you can bring His Light into the hearts of many people. 

• 2. That list you wrote of all the things you don't like about your body- Honey, you were fearfully and wonderfully made (well thought-out and planned) and not one inch of your body was mistakenly put there. No BODY is perfect, no matter what the magazines try to tell you. 

• 3. That boy who stood you up on Queen Street and told you you looked better in the dark! He ain't got nothing on you! You don't have to hide your face in dark places to reveal your beauty- it will shine where it's value will be most appreciated. Don't let a boy define, abuse, or diminish your beauty. You are beautiful and no one needs to tell you otherwise. Embrace it and carry it as it gives glory to the One who created you that way. 

• 4. Your dad, he loves you. He might not have been able to appropriate that love in a healthy and respectful way, but deep down he truly does. He just did the best with what he knew. Don't hate him for it. See him as God sees him and you won't waste so many of your years being controlled by your judgement of his faults.

• 5. That pain you feel inside that causes you to take that craft knife to your skin so you transfer the pain to the outside, it's going to be healed. It's going to be used. It's all going to turn around and it's going to be okay.

• 6. You are not your sisters shadow. Though she may seem more beautiful than you and more popular to them, what you have to offer the world in and of itself is enough to be confident in. Don't shrink back into the shadow of someone else. Rise up and sit under the light that you were born to shine in!

• 7. And last but not least- that fear you've been battling; the fear of rejection- remember you are accepted in the Beloved! The fear of failure - remember that your mistakes are your teacher and they are going to help you pass your next test! The fear of loneliness- remember that you are never alone! There is a God who sees you...all the time and in every situation. He will never leave you nor forsake you! The fear of travel- you will travel fear free one day and you will know the safety of being under the shadow of the wings of the Almighty. 

My girl, if only I could reach into your skin again and live out your current days; basing your choices on your worth rather than your insecurities, your value rather than your damage. May our life be a message to help others know the truth behind the lies they have been told.. 

With so much love, 

Michelle Tiatia.

What Am I Really Missing Out On?

After reading one of Jentezen Franklin’s book a few years ago, I decided to do a 21 day Daniel Fast. It was the first time for me and as I feared not eating (in fact I started off with three days of full fasting), I ate up large the night before I started. Up until that point in my life, eating had become a coping mechanism for me. I love food and I used it many times in my life to calm emotions, feed my starving soul, take out my anger and just indulge in some goodness for my pallet. So the thought of fasting scared me, to say the least.

But once I started fasting, and really, it’s still eating but just cutting out some of the favourites and remaining in a spirit of prayer.. I realized that what I was believing God for was more valuable than the food that I was sacrificing. So I wrote this in my journal..

“I’m not missing out on anything, unless I’m missing out on You.” You Meaning God

I was making chocolate cupcakes at a camp for kids when I realized that even for this seemingly big sacrifice of not eating this food I had spent hours cooking, NOTHING compares to what I would miss if I missed out on God and the answer He would give as a result of my fasting.

This can also translate to the life that we live right now. My kids were asked recently where they would rather live – Ethiopia or New Zealand? Not an unusual question for them and they were being asked by a New Zealander in Ethiopia so they felt free to answer as this person was well aware of both country’s contexts. Freely my daughters answered that they would rather live in Ethiopia because of the lifestyle but it took my youngest son a couple of days to answer and he answered when we were alone. He said, “If my cousins were all here in Ethiopia with us, I would rather live in Ethiopia…If all our family were here. “  I completely understand and too often yearn to have cuddles with my nephews and nieces and late night catch ups with my sisters and Mum. I feel like I’m missing out when birthdays are celebrated and special holidays call for family gatherings and we are not there. But at the end of the day, I know that I’m not missing out on anything unless I am missing out on God and His purpose and plan for my life.

Yesterday we went to a church service where the preacher was speaking from where Paul says “To live is Christ…” He made a point about the things that we as humans can replace the word “Christ” for. The first example he used was “money”. To live is money. This is the mantra of the lives of so many people (Christian and non-Christian) around the world. We believe that money makes the world go round and perhaps makes our life complete but if that’s what it’s all about then life is seemingly meaningless as money is only temporary. It’s just a tool to fulfill life’s real purpose.

The second example he used was one that he said was huge for American’s especially. He said “To live is Family… and went on to explain how many people put family and children before the worship of God. This he said can be interpreted as family becoming a god. To us of the familial-centered cultures, this is a challenge. What if taking our children out of our comfort zone was God’s will and we chose comfort for them over obedience to Him. Does that make them our god? What if a father insisted a child stay and chase his career options in one country that would fulfil his every material desire but he chose to go instead to a far away country where his skills were needed more and God has called him. Does his disobedience to his father mean he is sinning or does his obedience to where he is called by God supersede his father’s command?

I’ve met so many young people who have come to Ethiopia or who have heard us speak about our calling here and God’s provision in making it happen and have said that they feel called also. But there are people and circumstances in their lives that have stopped them from doing it. I am not saying that I am any better because we have done this thing…I speak because I know people still don’t understand our calling and the sacrifices we made to make this move, but God does. God knows the call, He knows the fear that follows and the hesitation to obey. But on the other side of that He also knows the blessing that awaits. He knows the joy that you will experience by being in His will and purpose. He feels the pain of the departure but He also knows the pleasure of the arrival.

Moses knew the truth of this sacrifice. He had the Promised Land in front of Him, but he was not willing to claim it unless God was with him. In essence he was saying “I am not missing out on anything (even the Promised Land) unless I’m missing out on you.

 Then he said to Him “If your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.”

Exodus 33:15

Over the five years that we have been on this journey coming to and living in Ethiopia, our sacrifices have been acknowledged on various occasions. My response is always that, the greater sacrifice would be to NOT come to Ethiopia. I would rather miss out on all the things in New Zealand (family, the lifestyle, the beaches, the conveniences) than to miss out on what God has for us here. There is no better place to be than in the centre of His will.

So I’m writing this blog as a challenge and as an encouragement. What do you fear missing out on when you or if you were to step into God’s will? Then also to encourage those who feel like we are making a sacrifice. When we get to heaven (and we’re not getting there by our good works or by our sacrifices we made here, but by the ultimate sacrifice Christ made on the cross and our belief in Him) we will have everything we missed out here on earth. Our time here on earth is short compared to how we will spend eternity. We only live once and we will never know the fullness of joy that comes with being in Christ’s will apart from our time on earth. So let’s make it count.

One of the beautiful lakes in Debre Zeit

The truth of the matter is that stepping out in obedience to God's calling here has opened up the door for so many blessings, in experiences, in ministry, in relationships, in travel, in meeting some amazing people. God is never in debt to us. Our sacrifices can never outweigh His. 

Our Hearts are Monuments of God's Grace..

"A Heart for Ethiopia" was the name I decided to give this blog five years ago as it described me and it applied to what I would write about in this space. Little did I think about the implications of what happens when God gives you a heart for a country as big as Ethiopia. A country as RICH as Ethiopia.  A country as special as Ethiopia.  For a girl from the little islands of New Zealand, there has to be some capacity building done in the heart region to fit what Ethiopia has to offer. 

Recently I got to share at a Women's retreat in Debre Zeit and it was about what God was saying to me about our hearts. As He was expanding mine, He was teaching me something I just had to share. I hope this encourages you today...

Our hearts are fragile monuments of Gods grace. Monuments are reminders of events that have taken place.  Here in Ethiopia there are many monuments around that remind us of past battles that have been fought, victories that have been won, people who have impacted this nation.  In the same way our hearts stand as a reminder of what battles we have faced and fought, been redeemed from and restored out of, and the grace God has bestowed upon us in order for that to happen.  We are recipients of His grace.  We therefore carry His grace with us in the depths of our hearts. It is there waiting to be exposed and glorified. Freely we have received, freely we are to give it away. 

Monuments are either left uncared for and become callous and rough or they are tenderly maintained and shine through the history of a life that stood for something. Their fragility allows them to go either way pretty fast. f there is anything that reflects the events that have happened in our lives, it is our heart. It stands as a monument for SOMETHING  and that something should be God's grace. But the choice is ours...

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it. Prov 4:23

When we become callous we block our view of the blessings God has given us . The people of Israel are the monuments we are directed to as a display of grace left uncared for. Gods grace is a gift that like every other gift, we have to steward. The people of Israel had taken their grace for granted and had built up walls around their hearts. 

As our hearts become callous they also become heavy. Heavy hearts are not ours to carry. 

Cherry Friedmeyer, director of Ellilta Women at Risk once made this statement during a discussion we were having in Kenya. She said, "Our heart is made up of many pockets and God in his grace exposes what's in those pockets one at a time so it's not too overwhelming for us to bear."  

As we come into different situations or conflicts of the heart God shows us areas of our heart that need cleansing, purging or just plain filling - sometimes he just shows us that we have empty pockets that we are trying to fill with the wrong things. But He wants to fill it with His love. 

David prayed this prayer as a result of his sin being exposed by his friend Nathan. God had showed him the state of his heart at that time and in response he laid out his heart. 

Psalm 51: parts of 2-17

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

And cleanse me from my sin...

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,

And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me hear joy and gladness,

That the bones You have broken may rejoice.

Hide Your face from my sins,

And blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me...

For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise.

Sometimes we need to be bold like David and say "Take my heart God...Do as you may-break it, clean it, change it, restore it, purge it, empty it then fill it up again."

Recently I started exercising again with our intern from SBU, Beth. As we began to reawaken muscles that had lay dormant for so long, I started to complain of pain I was feeling in my thighs. Her reply was that my muscles were being broken down so that they could be built up again and made stronger. This is what happens with our hearts. He breaks it down, He builds capacity in us for us the expand the Kingdom in our hearts so that we can bring it to this earth.

Graham Cooke in his book "Uncommon Love" describes this process as a part of God working on our broken hearts as a result of non-reciprocated love.  

"How do you love when love is not returned? You discover what love really is and you give it anyway even if nothing comes back. It's not easy and it's painful and it will break your heart, but the interesting thing is that when God puts it back together, it's always bigger. You end up with a bigger heart. I don't know how God does that, I just know it's true! "

God does this so we can pray like David "Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice!" And as we experience that joy our hearts are resurrected again in new life and the pain that we entered into when we surrendered our hearts to Him, fades. 

Having a broken heart and a broken spirit does not seem like the ideal way to please God or to live the Christian life.  But more than sacrifices or burnt offerings, THIS is what pleases God. That we bring our hearts before Him and say "Here is my heart Lord, it is broken.."

In exercise, the way your muscles are going to be built up is if you keep working and exercising, pushing through the pain so your strength can be built up and in turn experiencing new levels of pain and fatigue. But we must not be afraid or give up.

When we surrender our hearts to God we must remember that we are placing our hearts into the Hands of the Creator, a loving Father, who desires nothing but the best for us. We can confidently trust that Him in this whole process. He LOVES us. He is FOR YOU! Give Him your heart today.

 I'm surrendering mine too. 

Every Child Needs Some Love and Care

While establishing our vision statement to explain why we do what we do, this was what seemed to encapsulate it all:

  Because we believe that EVERY child should have access to the BASIC necessities of life; LOVE, CARE, FOOD, CLEAN WATER and FAMILY.

Recently we joined a movement that is giving us the opportunity to live that out and I write this blog to explain why WE decided to get involved.  That movement is called Love and Care for His Little Ones and it is "a team of volunteers with a passionate heart to serve orphans and vulnerable kids." LOVE and CARE...the first two components of our vision statement. It seems silly NOT to get involved right??!

"We were all created to be recipients of Love" 

Sam Chapman - Indigenous NZ development expert

As I stared across a sea of faces ready to begin a day of festivities, I saw children; big and small, with hearts that were hungry to receive that LOVE that they were created for.  If there is ever an instance of entitlement that a child deserves, it is this one- to receive love.  And actually if there is ever a gift we are expected to give, it is ALSO this one - 

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to LOVE one another, for whoever LOVES others has fulfilled the law. 
Romans 13:8

For with IT, partnered with a caring environment a child can develop and thrive and BECOME all that God has created them to BE. Love is SO important, for without it our hearts are left void of their most necessary component for growth. 

In seeing their faces I knew that their hunger to BE loved existed because of their lack of receiving it.  These children at some stage in their lives had been orphaned or abandoned. This is what qualified them to be here on this cold Saturday morning on the outskirts of Addis Ababa.  This event had been planned, prayed for, and implemented because there were a group of people who wanted to GIVE them the basic necessities of life- LOVE, CARE, FOOD, CLEAN WATER and an EXTENDED FAMILY. This is why WE were here. Because we joined a movement that exists to meet this need for Love and Care for His Little Ones.  

Rahel Asheber and Dawit Getachew (pictured above) are the ones who are leading this movement with an amazing team of young volunteers- students, graduates, young professionals and youth workers; people gifted to serve in so many ways to make this movement the success it has been for the last four years.  

We heard about this program because Dawit is an award winning Gospel Artist whose music has broken tradition in Ethiopia and connects young and old with the heart of God.  After finding out about his amazing music, we found out about his heart for orphans.  He in fact was present at a conference I attended in 2012 and blogged about.  It was around this same time, they started to gather young people to attend orphanages on a weekly basis to help support the children educationally, socially and emotionally. What they started is so PROFOUND.

Dawit shared a story over the weekend, as they were motivating the newly formed Hawassa team, to go and connect with the kids in the orphanages to build relationships with them.  The story was about a visit they made to an orphanage in Addis Ababa where they were going around and asking the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up.  Typical replies were vocalized- "I want to be a doctor" says one child, "I want to be a teacher" says another and more shared their desires for careers and jobs.  Then they came to one child whose response was "I want to be a ferenji." So they asked him "Why?" He said because life seems so much easier for ferenjis (foreigners).  It's easy he said for them to find work, to get money, to study and have a good life. Sadly he wasn't offered role models that could show him otherwise until Love and Care showed up. 

After discovering that most visitors to the majority of orphan centers in Addis Ababa are short term foreigners who come for a small trip and leave again, they knew that something had to change. What young Ethiopian volunteers have to offer is so much more valuable- they speak the same language, they are consistently in the area, they are young people who can inspire as these children relate to them, and they genuinely have a heart to love and care for children who don't have the parental love they need. 

Not only do they have teams all around Addis Ababa going into centers every Saturday morning, they also hold these events three times a year on special holidays.  At each event there are fun activities for the kids to participate in that they would have NEVER otherwise had the opportunity to be a part of! They have an awesome time of worship and story telling and then they feed them and give them a gift to take home.  This year that gift was a towel for each child as some children within the orphanages didn't have any at all. 

What Love and Care for His Little Ones are doing is motivated by their desire to do FOR these children what God has done for them- He has called them out of the darkness and into His wonderful light (1 Pet 2:9), He has shown them Love and Grace, been a Father and a Provider, so in turn they are doing the same for Him... 

Donate towards this New Years Carnival by clicking Go Fund Me Page 

850 children from 22 Centers, 

over 2 cities and 2 weeks 

made up what was the 

LOVE and CARE Easter Carnivals!
You can LIKE their Facebook Page
And YOU can ALSO join the movement- Stay in touch to see when you can donate to the festivities or sign up to volunteer if you live in Addis!


Also if you want to check out Dawit's music, you can listen to one our faves by buying his instrumental Jazz style album on itunes here, or you can check out his YouTube Channel!

Be blessed!

When Empathizing turns into Empowering

"It wont stop, it wont stop" His German accent proclaimed as the beggars kept coming as a response to the birr they saw us handing out. So we closed the door and he drove off. He was right though and I know it too well. Once you start to give away free money (and by free I mean unearned, undeserved) the cycle never stops. Our general rule is actually NOT to give to street beggars unless there is a specific Supernatural leading to do so. We don't want to create dependancy or create an expectation or entitlement every time they see us or people who look like us. He doesn't want to either.

He, as referred to above,is Tobi and while he helps Ethiopians set up small businesses to create sustainable income for themselves in rural and urban areas around the country, his wife and he also realize the importance of creating employment opportunities for vulnerable women.

Women such as the growing single mother population, young women trying to put themselves through College/University, women coming off the street and women just like the ones who were on the street with their children begging that night.

These women caught the heart of this couple and especially 28 year old, Samira- the more eloquent and passionate of the two.  She recently graduated with a Bachelors Degree in Gender and Development studies which was a result of her desire to advocate for Women's Rights in Ethiopia. She has been a spokesperson on Female Genital Mutilation and focused her research on this subject. She tells me of regions where they have an incidence rate of 90-100% of girls being circumcised. She's a photographer, model and fashion expert but her main passion is to help young women reach their greatest potential.

Samira has just given birth four months ago to their first baby girl.  She carried this baby while planning the business, decorating the cafe and buying the necessary equipment with the small capital funding they invested.  After returning from birthing the baby in Germany she's hit the ground running opening, as a solution to empowering women, Temsalet Kitchen.

Temsalet means "Exemplary" and its name encompasses the vision she has for this extraordinary restaurant.
Rather than establishing an NGO in Addis to support women, they're partnering with local NGOs and helping them fill a gap that so often exposes itself; the unemployment gap.

First of all they are hiring experienced women who can be role models and teachers to younger or less experienced women who just need someone to believe in them. Here these at risk women are nurtured in a safe environment and are gaining work experience and life skills as well as having the flexibility they need to balance work and family. Its not an easy task arranging all of this but Samira is carried along by her vision and by the many family and friends she has supporting her.

Recently I was able to join in this amazing project by assisting in the development and execution of the European menu. Alongside their amazing Ethiopian cultural menu, Temsalet is filling another gap in Addis Ababa- delicious and healthy food. The atmosphere Samira and her designer friends have created within the restaurant incites any passer by to come in. Situated in a happening part of Addis (Ethiopia's capital and the political capital of Africa) right near the African Union headquarters and many Embassy bases, Temsalet is destined for great things! Already it is showing signs of success as more and more hungry people gather to share in the vision and in turn make a way for women to be empowered and mentored to fulfill their fullest potential. Like Tobi says, the customers not only come to feed their stomachs but to feed their conscience.

Temsalet Kitchen:  

Where Quality, Relationship and Empowerment fuse for one purpose: 

To be Exemplary

If you're in Addis, come and visit! Like us on Facebook

The Hands that God uses..

The room was silent as people gathered to worship and praise God on this sunny Addis Ababa Sunday morning.  Unlike the church gathering that was happening outside in the main building where speakers were being set up with intercoms into the wide open spaces outside the auditorium, this gathering required no such projection of sound.  The people who were gathering in this room were people who had no capacity to hear, mostly no function to speak yet had hearts to communicate and participate in the very same message that was being purveyed in the room next door.

As they gathered, silence filled the room. Arms swayed and fingers so limber, oscillated back and forth as communication transpired between souls.  A stillness came as everyone knew the time to begin the service was approaching and my heart sighed “Oh Lord, how we need this quietness in our lives.” How much better off are these that can’t hear an external noise so that they can hear an internal voice, know your presence and find contentment in silence.

The silence spoke loudly to my noisy soul. 

There was such a beautiful exchange of language as body movements and eye contact necessitated an exchange of deepness. I was floored.  Messed up as the flood gates of my tear ducts opened.  Thankful for what I did have and jealous of what they did. Another revelation came to me as we sat as a family and a team and observed this service for almost two hours. 

Just as hands can be used when mouths and ears aren’t functioning as they should, so God will use whatever instruments are available to get His message across.  In fact, His Grace causes unsuspecting instruments to be fit for use in extraordinary ways.  When original default settings for functions dysfunction, God will change the default setting. 

We see in the Bible and in history, God using people who society would reject as useful.  We see different parts of the body being used for functions they weren’t created for.  We see a prostituted woman on the walls of Jericho make a way for the Israelites to overtake the land; we see an orphan girl and her Uncle Mordecai save their people from a position of power; then there were those fishermen who Jesus called out of their lifestyle to be his followers and establishers of the first church.  God’s grace causes unsuspecting instruments to be fit for use in extraordinary ways.

Jesus fully offended people by associating with, eating with, hanging out with people society and the religious crowd, rejected.  He still continues to confuse and offend with the people He chooses to speak through, love through, build His Kingdom through. His treasure stores in jars of clay. 

Clay Thick heavy soil that is soft when wet but molded and shaped, placed through the fire to reinforce it’s shape yet still so vulnerable to breakage when pressure comes. That’s us. Does it make us useless? Heck no! It just means that we are those unsuspecting instruments fit for use in extraordinary ways.

Like sign language is so different to spoken word, so our expressions, our language per se, can also be different to what people may expect.  But God sees our uniqueness and He embraces it. He sees the beauty in the language we speak and love that we portray on His behalf.  Be satisfied with who you are and the message you portray with the voice God has given you. 

You ARE His message- not just His messenger. Your life speaks volumes. My life does too. Live it WELL!